| 1 | Sumatran short-tailed python |
Maximum length: 200cm.
A species of western Sumatra and Indonesia, which averages at 1.5 metres and has a crushingly thick body. Sumatran-short tailed pythons (Python curtus) have murky black and brown patterns, which have evolved to mimic the muddy swamp shores they lie on. This allows them to fulfill their chosen lifestyle: a patient ambush predator which only moves every few days.
Sumatran short-tailed pythons mainly prey on mammals, and acquire them with a rapid lunge, which contrasts horrifically against their usual sluggishness. After swallowing, it’s back to perfect stillness again, as though nothing ever happened.
The Sumatran short-tailed python’s lazy nature is based purely on logic, as they lack the skills to compete with other snakes. If they decided to be an active forager, then short-tailed pythons are far too slow to compete with oriental ratsnakes or cobras, which are not only fast, but nimble tree climbers. A short-tailed python would just cause branches to snap with its crushing weight.
Sumatran-short tailed pythons are so massive and tank-like that if they decided to stalk a mouse through the forest, they’d be discovered in no time. Stealthy ambush was the only real choice for this species, but they execute it well.
| 2 | Emerald tree boa |
Maximum length: 210.8cm.
A 2 metre species of the Amazon rainforest, which is easily recognisable by its leafy green scales overlaid with patches of snowy white. Emerald tree boas (Corallus caninus) are non-venomous, and can spend an entire week without moving. This is a rainforest snake which shuns speed, preferring to rely on immense camouflage and patience.
Corallus caninus lives in a world of cackling monkeys, squawking birds, and sipos slithering past eagerly in pursuit of a meal. They live in a hub of activity, but this has no effect on them. The emerald tree boa sticks to its game plan, ignoring outside distractions and staying the course.
The emerald tree boa moves mainly in two circumstances: 1) lunging at an unsuspecting mammal, or 2) shifting to a new ambush position. If a human walks past, they probably won’t react, except maybe by flecking their tongue.
Because of their laziness, emerald tree boas are a safe species to observe and photograph from a distance. Touching them is most unwise, as suddenly, they won’t be so lazy anymore. Emerald tree boas were once thought to eat birds, but actually prey mainly on mammals.
| 3 | Ussuri pitviper |
Maximum length: 68cm.
The Ussuri pitviper is one of South Korea’s most dangerous snakes, causing dozens of bites bites per year. Along with Central Asian pitvipers, they’re one of the main species used to develop South Korea’s viperid antivenom.
Their venom is dangerously cytotoxic, unleashing patches of blackening necrosis, but the one redeeming factor is how lazy they are. Ussuri pitvipers slither slowly, and move only short distances per day, in the forested valleys they inhabit.
A 2015 study provided evidence, finding that 7 Ussuri pitvipers moved just 3-32 metres from their original position over 300 days. Likewise, they tend to stay within a small home range of just 60 metres. Ussuri pitvipers can be spotted prowling along river shores, but it’s more of a patient patrol, rather than the twitchy, caffeinated dash of an oriental ratsnake.
Though they’ll never charge a human down, their lazy ways make this South Korean snake dangerous in other ways, as it’s easy to step on one while walking your dog. Their murky, camouflaging colours only add to this problem.
| 4 | Large-eyed pitviper |
Maximum length: 74.1cm.
This deadly Thai snake is a common resident of people’s gardens, hissing and lunging as innocent people attempt to drop grass cuttings on their compost pile. Large-eyed pitvipers are extremely common in Thailand, and average at 60cm. They have a powerful cytotoxic venom, which unleashes severe necrosis after a bite lasting less than one second. This species bites dozens of people annually, but whether it’s a blessing or a curse, the large-eyed pitviper is an extremely lazy snake.
In one study lasting for over 2 months, the large-eyed pitviper was found to have an average daily movement of just 3.2 metres. This was conducted in the Sakaerat Biosphere Reserve, a wildlife refuge in northeastern Thailand. This pitviper has well-defined home territories, sticking to their own corner of the forest and overlapping minimally with other species members.
Vipers aren’t hyperactive in general, but the large-eyed pitviper is far more stationary than most. As their green camouflage is so effective in bushes, it causes many oblivious Thai people to miss them. Large-eyed pitvipers are especially common in Bangkok itself, along with their white-lipped pitviper cousin.
| 5 | South American bushmaster |
Maximum length: 3.65 metres.
A gigantic viper found in the forests of South America. The South American bushmaster (Lachesis muta) inhabits Brazil, Colombia, Venezuela, French Guiana and more, and is officially the longest viper in the world. They produce an enormous venom yield of 500mg per bite, matching their size.
For better or worse, the South American bushmaster is an extremely lazy snake. They rarely encounter humans, hiding away in their pristine rainforest environments, unlike rattlesnakes which often inhabit grasslands. Instead of stalking prey, the South American bushmaster carefully selects an ambush spot, settles in behind a bush or log, and waits there for days.
Virtually no part of its body moves. The South American bushmaster might fleck its tongue occasionally, and it might rearrange its head in its coils, but spotting this species against the forest floor takes a herculean effort. South American bushmasters are exceedingly patient, and it takes them days to tire of a location, concluding that it’s clearly fruitless.
If you never enter the rainforest, then you’ll never meet the South American bushmaster, but if you do, it’s very easy to stumble right into them.
| 6 | Dog-faced watersnake |
Maximum length: 86cm.
A southeast Asian snake which inhabits muddy coastlines and tidal flats, covering the vast majority of India, through to central Thailand. Dog-faced watersnakes are a semi-aquatic species, have only a mild venom, and exclusively feed on fish. They’re an abundant species, with dozens appearing in one muddy tidal flat, each with their own individual pool to live in.
Unlike most of our list, the dog-faced watersnake isn’t a strict ambush predator. Instead, their tidal pools are so rich with fish that movement is barely necessary.
Dog-faced watersnakes live life on easy mode, as to gain a meal, they can simply open their mouths, swim through a school of fish, and bite down with minimal effort. Another hunting strategy is to poke their heads into muddy pools and grab fish as they swim past.
Consequently, dog-faced watersnakes can easily get away with not moving for days. Studies show that they move minimal distances, with occasional larger migrations of up to 500 metres, typically to find mates or a new pool. In one study, 20% of dog-faced watersnakes were less than 10 metres from their original pools 8 months after they were first discovered.
| 7 | Eastern twig snake |
Maximum length: 143.5cm.
This snake’s very survival depends on not moving all day. The eastern twig snake (Thelotornis mossambicanus) is found in southeastern Africa, including Tanzania, Mozambique and Malawi. Compared to other local snakes, they have one great advantage – a close resemblance to a tree branch.
The eastern twig snake has a brown body, which perfectly mimics tree bark. Its head, meanwhile, switches suddenly to green, in order to mimic leaves. The average bird will fly overhead and not see a thing, while chattering tourists will walk past and have no idea that there’s a venomous snake nearby.
If the eastern twig snake moves, then its camouflage is completely ruined, and that’s why this is one of southern Africa’s most stationary snakes. They cling to branches virtually all day, usually on lower bushes rather than high in the canopies.
The eastern twig snake is an ambush snake which preys mainly on lizards, continually scanning the ground for them. This is secretly a highly venomous snake, one of the most poorly researched dangerous snakes worldwide.
| 8 | Broad-headed snake |
Maximum length: 90cm.
One of Australia’s most endangered serpents. The broad-headed snake (Hoplocephalus bungaroides) is a moderately venomous species averaging at 60cm, which can go days without moving. They’re found exclusively in New South Wales, in national parks near Sydney such as Blue Mountain National Park and Yengo National Park. They were once found in a few areas of Sydney itself, but haven’t been spotted since the 1960s.
Today, broad-headed snakes are mainly found in open ridges with an abundance of loose bushrock, far from humanity, typically in a tree clearing. Broad-headed snakes have adapted to hunt in these environments, as their first task is to lurk in dark rock cracks, formed by erosion and natural weathering. They wait patiently for lizards to appear on the nearby rocks, biding their time. Suddenly, they a perform a sharp lunge when they hear their prey approach.
Moving around all day is contrary to this snake’s every instinct. You’ll never find a broad-headed snake charging around aimlessly like an eastern brown snake. Their entire hunting strategy is based on choosing the optimal ambush site and remaining there for days.
Broad-headed snakes do perform migrations some years, where they move to hilly forests adjacent to their ridges. But when they arrive, they settle down and become stationary once again, in forested rock piles. The main reason this species is endangered is people poaching wild bushrock for ornamental garden displays.
| 9 | Pygmy rattlesnake |
Maximum length: 80.3cm.
Pygmy rattlesnakes (Sistrurus miliaris) are found in Florida and Georgia, and are one of the shortest members, averaging at 38-58cm. Perhaps wisely, they’ve decided not to enter the battle fray, and instead lurk in forests as a patient ambush hunter.
This species moves just tiny distances per day, as one study released individuals back into the wild, implanted with radio trackers. At 19.5 months post release, several males were just 9 metres from their original position.
Pygmy rattlesnakes prey mainly on mammals, and their favourite strategy is to position themselves directly behind logs. When a mammal scampers along the top, the pygmy rattlesnake rapidly snatches them off. They also lurk in tall grasses, on the edges of open spaces favoured by small mammals.
Pygmy rattlesnakes have one of the cosiest habitats of any rattlesnake – warm forests with plenty of fallen logs. Yet they’re also one of the lazier species. Meanwhile, the most energetic rattlesnake of all is the sidewinder rattlesnake, which lives in true deserts, including those with rolling sand dunes. Despite the burning climate, they still move an average of 200 metres per day.
| 10 | Green mamba |
Maximum length: 230cm.
The black mamba’s closest relative, found in coastal forests of southeast Africa, in southeast Kenya, Tanzania, and South Africa. This species has a few differences to its cousin, as 1) they’re far greener, 2) they mainly live in trees, and 3) they move far fewer metres per day.
Black mambas are an infamously manic species, exploring savannah and rocky hills all day, but green mambas are more relaxed, and would rather drape themselves over a tree branch for hours at a time. This is an ambush snake which preys on a mixture of birds and mammals, disabling them with a neurotoxic venom.
In 1994, a study tracked green mambas in the coastal forests of Kenya, 5km from the Indian ocean. After 27 days, it found that on most days, the green mambas moved less than 5 metres.
The green mambas tended to perform small movements within one tree, dropping to lower branches, then ascending again, in careful rather than frantic movements. Every few days, they moved through the canopy to find a new root position. While mainly a tree snake, green mambas aren’t allergic to the ground, and can also be found draped around railings and national park map signs. Despite a lethal venom, bites from this species are mercifully rare.